How do I muster up the ability to create a 'platform' in a stage like this?
The title explains a bit of it. Lately things have been painful.
In some time in mid 2016 I began 3d modelling/cg. My stuff was terrible, but I thought i'd get better at it and be able to put myself 'out there'. I had an idea that i'd be able to get reasonably good at it and then i'd put myself out there, i'd create a platform, and develop a portfolio and be able to become somewhat of a freelancer or be able to help make a cg movie. Even if I just became a hobbyist, it would be okay because I would like the work I made at that point.
I had a mini goal that by the end of 2017 i'd create an account on some social media platform and have at least 5 finished, eligible works to display on that platform.
I had to get a new computer which wiped off a few of my works, but that's just one thing.
Even if I still had my old laptop, I still had none. No good works to display. Since late 2016 it's like i've made no progress.
I had a project from late june, 2017, which was my first real project on creating an organic, human character. I was so excited and motivated, even if this one didn't look good it wouldn't matter because this was 'the first step' and would be my 'first finished project!' I believed that after this I would make much more.
Then, I realized that I didn't know how to sculpt or retopologize hands, feet, or ears.
I have been trying since July to learn. I still don't get it. The project was never finished.
Then school came back and I didn't even touch blender or python because I was so disorganized and loaded with stress and mandatory assignments and it was just painful because it felt like my time was being taken away from me and I wasn't even doing well for the one thing I tried to give my all in: Math. I had taken so much time out and I didn't get higher than a C.
It's all just...Real embarrasing. The year is coming to an end, and I feel so..empty.
I don't want to give up, but it's like i'm just meant to be slow, forgetful and not good at anything I care about. It feels like that's a part of me that's already defined by 'fate' or some sort. I wan't to believe that's not true but it's just.. 6 month delay and I still don't know how to create hands, feet or ears and they look the same as before? Geez.
Advice very needed right now. Thank you for reading. Happy new year.